Keeping Busy

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Hi Sis,

Miss you.  Had a busy weekend. Been working on your painting.  I’m about 1/4 of the way done.  Really tough to get your face just right…but I guess I’ve always been better at animals than humans… Jim has been a sweetie trying to keep me busy. Took me shooting yesterday and it was great fun but could only be there for about an hour and felt the need to head home.  I insisted he stay and “play” with half dozen other men out there with their toys. Janae is so obviously trying to keep me busy too.  She won’t let me sit down without pulling up some series of funny vines on her laptop and showing them to me.  She’s had me watch her play “Slender Man” in the past, just cause it is such a silly game.  Did I ever tell you, near the end of the school year last year, she went around the whole high school campus putting “Slender Man” type notes up all over the place.  Then she sat there and saw the first one being found…A tall student saw it, did a double take, just stood there for a moment, then ripped it off the wall and stuffed it into his coat and took off.  Was very funny.

Really don’t want to go to work tomorrow cause I am so much more…sane isn’t quite the right word. Hmmm…less stressed I guess.  And any incremental decrease in stress is a good thing.

Kyla and Kishmas zebra 2One day last week I came straight home and went to bed. Staying awake so long isn’t good for me.  Got a photo of me napping with your zebra. Wish I knew it’s name but that’s okay.  I couldn’t bear to give away a little pink jacket Janae used to wear when she was a baby so I put it on the zebra.  Very cute.

Only cried once each day this weekend.  Definitely a step forward sis.  I know your world is wonderful.  That is some comfort.  Heather began telling a friend about your passing and the friend just told her sternly, “No!  Don’t!”  She eventually contacted Heather back and told her why.  She herself is a twin and the very thought of losing her sister freaked her out so much she couldn’t even provide a comforting word to Heather.  It quite terrified her.  And at this point, I think it should.

I read on-line where some tribes who have the least problems with twin deaths have unique ways of dealing with it.  This particular tribe, sorry I don’t remember which one…I was surfing and didn’t keep track.  This tribe more often has twins or multiple births than single births. And they believe the multiples are given a single soul, that is split into two bodies.  When one of the twins passes, the living twin is given a doll that they must care for, throughout their lives, as they would for the twin that has passed, as it embodies the lost twin and keeps the missing 1/2 soul near the living twin.  I’m not one for believing in the 1/2 soul thing, but this tribe deals much better with the grief of a lost twin than even modern “advanced’ civilizations such as our own.  I think because of the fact that the twin’s body has passed, but the belief that the twin’s soul is still there, and being cared for, is quite a different coping mechanism.

There hasn’t been much going on in my world. Just making it through each day is my accomplishment of late.  Janae is off on Spring break.  Were thinking about taking her to Disneyland but we just can’t do the time right now after the multiple trips to California.  So we are planning to take her in May.

I’m having a little bit of a difficult time pulling up memories of us right now…I know it’s just due to events but it is quite distressing. The ones coming to me are during bad times, or bad events or when we were sad or scared…  I don’t know if that means I’m progressing or not….Time will tell I guess.  I’ll just pull out the photos of you Tanamin allowed me to take home and see how that goes.

It’s “only” 1130pmish now so I may make it to sleep before midnight.

I love you.

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