I looked back at my calendar to see what else happened around that date. Again, because Kishma’s passing seems like it has been so long ago, not merely 2 months. I find events from that time period and my “time reference” sees them “normally.” Meaning it seems like it’s been 2 months since I attended a specific meeting, or watched the TNT television episode of Cold Justice which focused on an unsolved homicide in my community. It’s been almost 2-months since I had a cardiac stress test to diagnose if I have anything similar to what my twin passed away from…
But then I focus on her, on that day, and it seems like forever ago.
Kishma and I were very close, however we had our own separate lives. (It is so difficult to type the words “had” and “were”…) Kishma had her beloveds, her 3-puppies, she participated in activities at Reedley Opera Playhouse in Fresno, and she managed the haunted house at Hobbs Grove, a nationally recognized “haunt.” I have my 6 children (we used to joke that I had her children as well), which all but one is grown, I work for a municipality, am the owner of five (yes 5) dogs, am an avid subsistence hunter and a wildlife & fantasy artist and medicine bag maker, and spend most of my free time with my own beloved. So, she and I would call or write or text each other fairly regularly but again, we had our own worlds and occasionally time got away from us. However, that last week of her life we were e-mailing and texting each other constantly. Over and over. And when she didn’t respond immediately I would call. And vica-versa.
So when the calls stopped…when the texting ceased… and when the fun e-mails no longer came… the silence became deafening.
As I write this I suddenly noticed, at that time, I had begun texting others more often, I think to fill that sudden gap. To receive acknowledgement and communication…and as much as I love my grown children..there was occasionally a sudden disappointment each time I realized a text wasn’t from my sister…as my mind tried to shield me from that anguish.
So, to my beloved twin sister, Kishma Danielle Morales, I love you. Not a moment passes that you are not hovering in my thoughts…I do not laugh without wanting to share it with you. I do not lay my head on my pillow at night without my final thoughts being of you.
I miss you.