11 weeks and 1 day. I intentionally skipped posting yesterday. Just to see if I could. That sounds silly but I was concerned. This need to post on the week day anniversary of my twins passing was beginning to feel like a bit of an obsession. But the day passed as easily as any other day, without a post.
One wonders how an obsession gets started sometimes. There is a tremendous difference between a habit, an acquired behavior repeatedly followed so it becomes almost involuntary, versus an obsession, a domination of ones thoughts or feelings, by a persistent image, thought or desire. But can an obsession begin with a habit? Actually, yes, I think it can. And because of that belief I had the need to confirm it was not an obsession but rather a habit, a comfort, a behavior to help me cope with loss.
In order to cope I have been keeping busy. Busy at my day job putting together the results of a community survey to present to the City Council. And I’ve been busy as soon as I get home in the evening as I am trying to get a website built for my art business. Losing my Kishma has brought into focus the need to be able to do that which rewards me most. And that is painting and creating memory pouches in leather with antler and beads and bangles and feathers and so many other things that represent nature and the earth. It is exciting and frustrating and educational and frustrating… Did I say frustrating? I am not a computer whiz and putting the site together myself is a learn as you go endeavor. My first error was pushing “publish” before the site was complete. It is out there for the world to see without a single photo of my artwork in it. Yes it’s an oops but it is my oops. And I do love the learning. It is almost complete in every other way now. I just need to locate the jump drive with photos of all my artwork on it. Hmm, this could take a while.