In Her Honor

Buffalo Sun by Laurie Pace

Sun Bathing Buffalo by Laurie Pace

Several days have gone by without it happening to me, which is why I was so very startled when I read my twin sister Kishma’s name, and immediately thought, “I need to call her today…” only to instantly remember she is no longer here.  I wonder how long that happens.  Probably forever. That’s okay.  I’d rather be startled by the memory than forget.

I’ve been having a good response on my “In Memory of the Magic” Kickstarter project dedicated to my twin sisters memory, to make memory pouches in her honor.  But I worry.  It’s been wonderful to have over 30% of the funds needed already pledged within the first 4-days of the project being listed.  But I worry now as the program didn’t get any commitments at all today.  I realized I am very invested in getting this done.  Whether it is funded or not I will still commit to doing some pieces in her name.  It will be far fewer than I hope.  And I feel almost a need to be able to do it, as if I would fail her if I didn’t have a successful project.  My heart skipped a beat when I looked to see if anyone had checked on the project today…  But of course, I know that isn’t true.  It’s just me and my desires.  And I have 20 days more to go.
I received an email this evening from one of the individuals who has pledged to support the program.  She (or he) wrote a sweet response to my thank you that they have pledged to support it.  It read:
Buffalo and Sun Productions says:

You are welcome and Thank you…

Bless you, your family and this sacred medicine work.

When we create with love, we honour the source.

You are gifted and called to this art form.

I look forward to my buffalo and sun medicine pouch!!!!

We are dancing with you…”

This was a very sweet combination of words to me.  I guess I needed to read it tonight.  A gentle reminder to me of why I am doing this. And to not get wrapped “around the axle” on the financial end of things.  Remember Kishma and her sweetness.  And despite what the world says, prepare those ways I wish to express her sweetness on the leather.

Thank you Buffalo and Sun Productions.


2 responses »

  1. I lost my sister in September of 2012. I know that moment of thinking “I need to call her …” and the sadness that follows the impulse. My sister had also lost her son in 2008 and I wrote this as the end to a poem about her son:

    For some reason, though, my heart is stilled
    By reflection on a simple thought:
    The depth of the sorrow our hearts feel
    Is directly proportioned to the joy he brought

    May you continue to experience joy amidst the sorrow.

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