Monthly Archives: March 2015

A waking dream


black-unicorn-wallpaper-10Kishma…I had a waking dream that you were visiting Tan.  He is struggling so and lost without you.  You literally lighted down in your studio and sat beside him.  You didn’t sit at your desk because it is being used by Ben now, which tickled you.  You were bright and smiling and without pain. Thinner but still voluptuous. Still my sis.

And you sat beside Tan, but he didn’t see you.  He was leaned over, chin on one hand, other hand on a mouse, consumed by whatever was playing on the computer screen.  His face was completely void emotion.  Not something you were used to.

You bobbed around him on one side.  Then the other.  Not as if to say…”look at me,” but more to look at him and see him.  Then you sat cross legged on a chair next to him and put your left hand on his hand which was on the mouse.

He stopped what he was doing and looked down at the mouse.  He couldn’t see you.  He knew something was different.  He sat and stared at his hand for a long while.  His face was so serious compared to your fae’ face, just happy to be.  You were weightless and your perfume gently filled the room.

Ed stopped drawing for a moment.  He’d been sick, but he still felt you.  He took a deep breath and smiled as he exhaled, and gently ran his finger along the photo of you he had on his computer.  Then he went right back to working on his on-line graphics, chin up as he moved closer to the monitor to see.

Tan continued to sit.  He slowly pulled his hand off the mouse and put it in his lap as sat up straight in his chair.

You never spoke, but there was this faery laugh feeling in my chest as I watched.  It was like a silent movie, except for the perfume.  Not heavy like lilacs or gardenia.  Light…almost like orange blossoms.

As I watched, Tashta materialized beside you (your sweet anthropomorphic zebra)…and a black unicorn beside Tan.  I don’t know his name.

A creature like Eon…but not, appeared near Ed. More serpentine than equine. He briefly looked over at Tashta and Tan, flicked up an amused eyebrow, then turned back to the screen Ed was looking at.  He had his hand on Ed’s shoulder and his long neck extended almost over Ed’s head to take a closer look at the screen.  He had chin hairs or something that tickled Ed, who put his hand up and brushed along the top of his head, moving the hair back.

Tashta stood and looked at the Unicorn.  He stood with his chin tucked down, a slight frown furrowing his brow and his hands buried in the pockets of his dark “trench?” coat.  Tashta tilted her head and pranced up to him.  She put her nose and muzzle beneath his, tilting her head up, pushing his muzzle up with her own and her dancing eyes met his.  His eyes were grey and clouded and he didn’t want to see. He turned his head to one side and closed his eyes.  Tashta put out a poopy lip, but only briefly.  A smile again lighted on her face and she trotted to the side he’d turned his head to and this time pushed her nose against his, wrinkling the fur muzzle in a silly fashion and making a silly face as she opened her eyes wide at him and smiled.  A smile formed at the corners of his mouth and eyes and he took a deep breath and lifted his nose. And smiled at her.

Tan took a deep breath at the same time.  Deeper than any he had taken in a long time.  He closed his eyes and squeezed them tightly shut.

The unicorn lifted his arms and Tashta snuggled into his embrace. He rested his cheek against her hair, then lifted his chin, and put it on top of her head.  She was so small compared to him.  She had this huge grin on her face as she lifted her eyes to meet his.  He nodded his head and smiled, and they all slowly disappeared.

You sat still throughout, your smiling eyes never left Tan.  He sat still, with his head tilted slightly back. When he opened his eyes again, the room appeared sharper and in focus.  The colors were more vivid and lines crisper.  He wasn’t sure what had happened.  He literally shook himself, tilted his head back and forth to stretch out his neck then stood up from his chair.  You continued to smile at him as your form dissolved from my view.  The only words spoken then came from Tan as he stood up, a man seeing for the first time in a long time, “I think I’m going to make something to eat.”

I haven’t done a waking dream in a long time sis.  Hope this means something to your beloveds. I miss you.






Road Trip


road-trip-signI just read this very neat article and it really got me to thinking.  This is something I think that would have tickled me to do.  Yes I am a scaredy cat when it comes to traveling on my own and I don’t have the financial funds to go far but I think….I just think…this kind of thing is in my future. Let’s see what my chauffeur hubby says!



“It doesn’tvelveteen rabbit happen all at once,” he said. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Practical Magic


This has been a sweet but difficult weekend. In my  household we really don’t get a lot of opportunity to relax.  Just so much going on and so much to do. And often, when there is a pause in the business, I end up taking a nap. But we took a moment yesterday and I was sitting on the sofa next to my sweetie and he was  doing the channel surfing thing and came upon the movie “Practical Magic.”  I love that movie.  I enjoy the whole magic thing plus it has so much love between sisters.  I forgot practical magichow painful it could be.  We came to the scene that is depicted in the image to the left here…and I just broke into tears that wouldn’t stop.  I buried my face in my husbands shoulder and cried. Fortunately my beloved again knew immediately what was happening. I don’t think he realizes how great an anchor he is for me when I feel so lost in this ocean of life.

In this scene of the movie Sandra Bullock is lying on the ground next to her sister played by Nicole Kidman, who has been possessed by the spirit of an evil man.  Nicole is entreating Sandra to just let her go. The evil spirit wants only her and that will keep the rest of her family safe. And Sandra tells her no.  They made an agreement when they were young.  They would die together and this wasn’t that time.

I’d forgotten….it was so long ago.  We were so young.  My twin and I made a similar agreement.

Really, I don’t want to join her. I have no desire to leave my current mortal coil.  I just didn’t want her to leave yet. And it hurt.  I know it always will, but sometimes…sometimes the sudden agony is just such a huge surprise