Well, it’s been quite a while. Three months. Not because there is nothing to write. But I’m tired. However, one of my daughters called me a couple days ago with a dream she had, and I just have to get it down. It was sweet, and painful and needed. I may embellish because I don’t remember it exactly word for word .
My daughter discovered she could go back in time. And the one thing she wanted to do was to make sure I went to California, to see my twin sister before she passed away. She didn’t want to walk with special people, see the dinosaurs or meet Jesus. She wanted to help me.
She “zapped” herself back, to be with me before Kishma passed away and tried to convince me to fly out to see Kishma. “Mom, you really need to go see her.”
“Honey, she told me not to come. That they were getting a handle on things.”
“I know but you need to go see her.”
“She doesn’t want me to come right now honey. I asked and she said no. She said she’s okay.”
“I know, but she’s not! You need to go!’
She realized after a short time that this wasn’t going to work. So my daughter zapped herself over to Kishma and told her she needed to call me to come out. With the same response. Heather was adamant that my sister call, but she didn’t. And it happened all over again. In the worst sense of “Groundhog Day.” Heather relived this day over and over, trying everything she could think of to get me to see Kishma before she left. She never tried to stop the inevitable. She somehow knew better than that. But she knew if she could just delay things I might have that last moment to hold Kishma’shand, and caress her hair, and say good bye.
She tried to get me to go to California. She tried to get Kishma to call me. She tried to make it so Kishma did not climb on the bed that night, which is when they think the tear occurred. She tried to get Kishma to call an ambulance before she even climed into bed so she could be AT the ER when it happened. But Kishma “felt fine.”
Over and over again it happened. Heather’s heart was breaking each time she had to watch my heartache repeat itself. The anquish and the sorrow and the tears.
Finally, she was sitting on Kishma’s bed, unseen, invisible, trying desperately to think of a way to change this small thread in the fabric of time. Her mind raced when suddenly… Kishma stopped. The world stopped. The stars stopped moving. And existence took a deep breath. Kishma turned and looked directly at the invisible Heather.
“Heather. You have to stop this. You can’t change things. You have to let me go.”
Heathers eyes filled with tears as she cried, “No, I can’t. Mom needs to see you! No, no, no.”
Kishma put her hand up to Heather’s face and gently said, “Yes. You have to let me go. I need to go. You need to stop trying. You must. Things are as they should be. You – have – to – let – me – go.”
And the earth began to spin once more. The stars twirled in the galaxy. And Heather, with tears streaming down her cheeks, took a breath.
And woke up.
I love you daughter. And I will always miss her and regret. And it takes all my effort to be here. And now. And live. Until we see her again.