I hate using the word “anniversary”… That makes it sounds like something to celebrate.
It has been 3 years since my twin sister passed away and again…still…it feels like yesterday.
I remember the fear and the sorrow and the inability to catch my breath. I remember the anger and the massive grief. And I remember feeling alone.
I miss her so much.
I distracted myself all day to keep it from settling on my shoulders. But once I put my head on my pillow it came. So I got up and went to WalMart at 1 am to pick up some cold medicine for my husband.
But it waited for me to return home.
So I got on-line to watch videos… and it found me.
But something different happened.
I began watching a series that is a couple years old called Adult Wednesday (you can see some of the videos at this link.) It’s about the book and movie character “Wednesday Addams” as an adult. It is very cute in an Addams sort of way. And I found myself chuckling and thinking how much Kishma would have enjoyed this with me and her family. Actually a happy thought. Wow. And it, hovering like a childs “monster-in-the-closet” took a step back. Maybe two.
The Grief will always be there. Always hovering. Waiting for a moment to make itself known. But… it is “the price we pay for loving.”
Maybe this is the beginning. I love and miss you sis. But…just maybe, I can take a deep breath again. And move forward. One breath at a time. One day forward.
We’ll see how this works.