It is very hard to believe it has been two years since my twin sister passed away. It seems like only a few months ago.
Then I think about how much has happened, just in the last 12-months, and it seems like forever. My husband was hospitalized twice, my step-mother passed away, my baby sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 6-months to live. With aggressive chemo and radiation, the lung cancer is in remission but being non-small cell…she is pragmatic about the fact she will still die of cancer, just not lung cancer. Six months is now an indeterminate number. But my father was also diagnosed with cancer. And when he went in for radiation last week, they told him it was too late. And he isn’t eligible for chemo unless he wants to spend his final weeks in a hospital as he is so frail right now. They also told him he has 6-months. (What is it with that number?!)
And he, also pragmatic, stated he doesn’t believe it will be that long. So, today, I am in Oregon, and have been all this week. Helping to feed him enough to gain some strength to be able to fly to San Diego and live with my cousin these last months. She has a huge house with a huge guest room with it’s own bathroom, etc., where he can live in comfort and away from the cold. Oh, I also retired the end of 2015, with the hopes of being able to focus on my artwork.
And tonight, despite purchasing a huge dog crate and making signage for it so my fathers sweet dog Parker can fly with him, despite multiple trips to the store for items, despite my dad taking me in his room and asking what to do with all the jewelry he wants his niece to have or what should he do with his coins (I will pack them all and send them to them in California), despite seeing my baby sister for the first time in a decade, with her beautiful fur-baby pugs, all I can think of is Kishma.
Yet my twin is without the sorrow and stress of the world and she has the joy and calmness of being in a better place. I would say I am not stressed in a manner I define stress…I am just a little overwhelmed at the sheer amount of change in just the last 4-months.
But, one is never given more than they can carry…
Sometimes I am thinking my shoulders must look pretty broad.